art-of-the-booky:

Long winded shit below;

This is Matthew. He means a lot to me. I only ever told one person just how much he means to me a long time ago. He was originally a fan-character for a game and he grew pretty quickly.

I’m an angry person. I’m a very angry and self doubtful person. I doubt people really love me, I second guess everything everyone says to me and I over-think a lot of things. My own anxiety causes my rage and I bottle it up to the point where it can be self-destructive. Though it mostly translates into lethargy. I spent three years of my life after high school as a lethargic angry wreck.

How does this relate to this OC? Since I made him I poured everything into him. I poured my fear, my doubt and my anger. He means a lot to me because he is as much a part of me as my hands. I only ever used to pull him out for vent art and violence and it makes me sad to think that was all he was used for.

In his design I gave him a lot of quirks, small things that don’t mean a lot to others but over the years I picked them up off of people around me and it makes him so much more to me. His uneven and yellowed teeth, his black eyes, his thick but manicured eyebrows, his single fang earring, pointed ears, huge scale tail. Even the strange belts he wore, it was only an excuse for me not to use my black marker as much on him but I liked it so so much I kept it.

Again not the point of this long essay but I digress. I don’t need him anymore. That’s my point. Not as a vent tool. Over this past year, I have grown. A lot. I’m no longer as angry or as sad as I have been over these past three years. Of course things in my life currently are in utter shambles but I’m still happier than I have been, this is just a small blip on the radar of life and I know my family will push through it.

But yes, I don’t need Matthew as a tool anymore and so he has blossomed into a fully formed OC. He has personality, spark, design and a voice of his own. He has everything I want to portray in my characters and I hope as a character designer and storymaker, I can push it over onto my other creations.

Still get really angry whenever anyone misuses and even insults him in a small way though. Should probably work on that.

Either way enjoy him as he is. He’s here to stay.

Yay for OC’s that have become a part of you. Enom was what I wanted in terms of strength back when I had my own struggles. Like booky, I’ve grown a lot since and don’t need the consolation he once provided.